Yearly summary: 35

It was my birthday yesterday. I am 35 years old now, and it's a good time, as any birthday, to think about the previous year and analyze it in terms of successes and failures. As always, my categories are: family, love, friends, work, academics, and life in general.
Before progressing to the analysis itself, two things overshadowed any other thing this year: the death of my mother and the relocation to Cincinnati. These two play a major part in any of the categories that follow, but more importantly they have an enormous impact on my daily life in general.
Family: undoubtedly, the death of my mother this year was the most significant event that changed my family life. The obvious thing, of course, is her being missing. She was the most significant member in my family to me, and I don't mean that I loved her more than the others, but simply that she was the closest one to me. My relations with my father and sister have always known ups and downs, each for its own reasons, that this is not the right time or place to divulge. However, my mother was always a person to whom I could talk and tell much of my life. Naturally, it was the case when I was younger and still lived with my parents, but even after I moved out permanently we still had a good relationship. Seeing her losing the shape of a human being - physically and mentally - was very hard for me. At some point, towards the last days of her life, when she could not control her body anymore due to the tumors in her brain, I was even hoping that the suffering would end for her. It's not easy, and it's not something to be proud of, but that's how I felt at the time.
After her death something has changed in the relations I have with my father and sister. This is also accompanied by the fact that I am away, but I think that now we are a bit closer (in the emotional sense) than we have ever been. I don't know how long this will last, and whether it will withstand the distance of me being here, or when I get back. Only time can resolve this question, but as of now I think that my family relationships have improved, and some of it is due to this tragedy.
In all, I'd say that the family aspect of the last year was very bad, but hopefully some good will come out of this.

Love: I consider the past year to be the best year for my relationship with D. It started with her moving to my place, continued with her being by me in the worst days after my mother died, and then we moved here. The only reason I could survive all these changes is her. I found in her strengths that I hadn't seen before. Less important, but worth to mention, is that my sister finally came to appreciate what D is, and came to respect her for being my true "significant" other. Not in the way the term is used by P.C. minded people, but by the essence of that term: she is part of my life that I cannot live without. Any other words that I can write will only diminish this message.

Friends: it takes bad times to realize who your best friends are and how much they are important to you. Last year had enough of those times and I can say that one of the hardest things now is the lack of my friends. I didn't even realize how many friends I have and how close I feel to them until we relocated. At first I wondered how long will I continue to write my weekly updates, but I felt that I had to do it, because I wanted my friends to be part of my life even though I'm far away. It became an important part of my life, and though it is a "half-duplex" - I only transmit and rarely receive answers, the importance is there. I think that I will try to make it more interactive in the future, with more personalized mails, especially if time permits. However, no technological means can be a substitute for face-to-face, same-room, interaction. Nothing. It's better than it was before, now that we have Skype, and messengers, and emails. Yet, it's not the same. It takes more efforts to maintain relationships like that, and, very understandably, it is far more important to the one away (me) than it is to the ones left behind. The other side of the equation is that I (or we) haven't made any friends here. Will I feel differently if we do make some friends here? I think not.

Work/academics: these two have become one now, and therefore should be discussed together. It was important to me to continue my studies, after a long and logical analysis of how my career is about to come to a dead-end. I think that this has not changed, but I doubt if we have made the right choices. Some of our doubts were expressed in previous posts. I think that this is a new experience for us, and it certainly the first time that I have an opportunity to see how academic life look from the inside. I have not developed any inclination towards academic life or professional life yet, and I am not sure that the University of Cincinnati should be the model upon which I make such decisions. I miss being around people that constantly challenge me. I had that at Ness. I think I can have that at other universities, but I don't feel that here. From the economic point of view, our situation has deteriorated relative to the one we had before moving here. It was expected, and I think that we are doing much better than I thought we would, and certainly our situation is better than most of the rest of the world right now. So, the right decision has been made and implemented, although the situation has not improved. However, right decisions should be judged by the view of a longer time period than a few months. Next year we will be a good time to make such decisions, and follow them through.

Life in general: last year was a year of great changes and not for the best. I think that I am less satisfied with my life now than I was a year ago. However, I have some optimism, because some things improved, and these improvements have the potential of staying for life. Unfortunately, some things have deteriorated, and they will also stay for good.